Cloud

Two roses. I’d have done more, but I didn’t think overdoing it was a good idea. Especially since I wasn’t sure if Chevelle liked roses. I try so hard to not be the person to make assumptions. All the other girls I’d ever dated liked flowers of all kinds. The most I knew about Chevelle was she was far from being a green thumb. Every house plant we started with was dead or under my care. Can’t say I’m much of a green thumb, either. I had a Christmas cactus back home, otherwise all greenery was taken care of by my mom or hired help.



Roses she didn’t have to keep alive. They only had to look nice, smell nice, and be nice for a short amount of time. The goal was to let her know how much I appreciated and cared for her in a new way because cooking wasn’t going to get her attention. I always cooked. It was one of my few chores for the apartment. Not complaining because I happen to love making meals. With so much more time on my hands, I got to explore my talents even more. But it wasn’t a unique form of affection.

I wanted to kiss her again. That would get the message across. Talia was out of the picture, I had my peace, my closure, and I was ready to move on without guilt of using Chev as a rebound. Not like she ever was one to begin with. However, she didn’t seem to believe me. So I waited. Probably close to two weeks, but it felt like a whole lot longer. Telling time on Salvation was always difficult to do.

Roses. They were my compromise. A segue of sorts to say: “I LIKE YOU” without forcing her to accept my affection. What if I kissed her, and she didn’t want me to? Things were still awkward from the kiss we already shared from before. Chevelle isn’t like me, she doesn’t wear her emotions on her sleeve with anyone. I’ll do it for those I trust, and I trust her. Holding back was my only choice, though. If I didn’t, I’d scare her away.

I put the two flowers in her usual spot at the dining table where I knew she’d see them. Then I waited some more. She got done with her various ship projects and came up the elevator to the apartment. I got a nod of acknowledgement and a grunt which left me wondering if she’d had a not so great day. Some of her coworkers were a piece of work, at least that’s how she described them. Chevelle had a unique perspective on people, so I could never tell how much stock I should take in her opinions of anyone.

I held my breath as she passed the table. Her gaze briefly fixed on the flowers and then she walked by without a word. Then she stopped halfway through the hallway and came back to look at them.

“Where’d you get them?” she asked. “Do you have a hot date tonight? Should I leave for a while?”

I laughed, playing cool, putting those acting skills I’d honed for so long to good use. Internally, I was all kinds of nerves. “There’s this thing called the marketplace up on the Roof. They have all kinds of stuff. Not like there aren’t a million flowers down in the Garden either.”

“We’re not supposed to pick those without permission. Only the gardening team is supposed to touch them,” she pointed out.

“My statement about the marketplace comes into play here.”

“Right.” She pressed her lips together. “I’ll get out of your way before she comes over.”

“There aren’t any women coming over.”

“You’re seeing a guy!” She gasped. “I thought for sure you were straight. Do the Achlivans even allow that kind of thing to happen here? I suppose if you still donate to the gene pool they might let it slide but—”

I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Oh my gosh, Chev. I don’t like guys. Not like that. There aren’t any hot dates. Those are for you.”

“Why? I didn’t do anything.” She narrowed her gaze at me.

“Because I felt like it? They’re pretty. You’re pretty. I like you. I thought you should have something nice. Not sure I actually have to have a valid reason to get you a present beyond that.” I faced away from her so she couldn’t see my humiliation. Yeah, good thing I didn’t try to kiss her. Food, I should just stick to the food. She always liked the food.

Chevelle was quiet for a long time. “Because you like me…this is just a romantic kind of gift. Carnations, I’d get. Anything but a rose.”

“Why can’t I get you a romantic gift?” I countered. “Remember, I’m romantically interested in you.”

“You’re still going on about that?”

Ouch. “Hey, if you don’t feel the same way, just say so. Say it’s never going to happen and I’ll let it go. Promise. We’ll be friends just fine. Nothing is going to change. I’ll just move forward to find my soul penguin.”

“Soul penguin?” She laughed.

I waved a hand. “A story for another time.”

“What if I don’t know if I’m a soul penguin? For anyone.”

“It’s more, do you want to find out or just leave it be?” I sighed. “What I feel is genuine. It’s fine if you don’t reciprocate. Just tell me what you do feel for real, so it’s not some kind of cloud of mystery anymore.”

Again, silence. Maybe I pushed the issue too hard, too fast. I hadn’t meant to. The plan was stay casual and then have the big talk about feelings later. Failed hard at that one. After an agonizingly long moment passed, she put her arms around me. Wet tears started to soak through my shirt.

“I don’t want to date you, realize this isn’t going to work, and then lose you. The thought kills me.”

Yeah, me too. “So then we don’t?”

“But I like you a lot too.” She gazed up at me with wide tear filled eyes. Ugh, talk about a punch in the gut. “Like, I don’t want to say I’m in love with you. I don’t think that’d be fair, but…I like you a whole lot more than a friend.”

“What do you want to do?” I asked. “Or do you want some time to think about it?”

She shook her head. “If you keep giving me time, I’ll keep pushing it off. I want…I want natural.”

Natural, huh? The only thing that felt natural to me was kissing her, so I did. Sometimes a kiss is so much easier to say all the things stuck inside than actual words. She didn’t push me away, and she kissed me back shyly. Our other kiss had been similar, a clear reminder of how much less dating experience she had. Didn’t bother me. The past was the past. I’d be patient and follow her leading of where to go when. Why rush? Still, she kissed me back. I tested a little further and parted my lips slightly, guiding her into a deeper kiss—and she didn’t refuse.

When we finished, she gazed down at her feet. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Let’s see where this goes.”